Random Jokes

>
> >DEC 20th
>
> >It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we’ve
>
> >seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on
>
> >the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging
>
> >to the trees and covering the ground. It’s so beautiful and
>
> >peaceful.
>
> >
>
> >DEC 24th
>
> >We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow
>
> >covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every
>
> >tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled
>
> >snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway
>
> >and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and
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> >accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the
>
> >street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shovelled it
>
> >away again. The children next door built a snowman with coal for
>
> >eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple
>
> >just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined
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> >in their fun.
>
> >
>
> >DEC 26th
>
> >It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature
>
> >dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and
>
> >bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled the
>
> >driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did
>
> >his trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish – grey.
>
> >
>
> >JAN 1st
>
> >Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon
>
> >became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for
>
> >both our cars. Fell on my arse in the driveway. Went to a physio but
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> >nothing was broken.
>
> >
>
> >JAN 5th
>
> >Still cold. Sold the wife’s car and bought her a 4×4 to get her to
>
> >work.
>
> >She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing.
>
> >Had another 8 inches of white shite last night. Both vehicles are
>
> >covered in salt and iced up slush. That bastard snowplough came by
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> >twice today………… Where’s that bloody shovel.
>
> >
>
> >JAN 9th
>
> >More fucking snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn’t
>
> >been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from
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> >freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater, which tipped
>
> >over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out
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> >but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eyebrows and
>
> >eyelashes. Car hit a fucking deer on the way to casualty and car was
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> >written off.
>
> >
>
> >JAN 13th
>
> >Fucking bastard white shite just keeps on coming down. Have to put
>
> >on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little
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> >cunts next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back – I’ll
>
> >shove that carrot so far up the little bastard’s arse it’ll take a
>
> >good surgeon hours to find it. If I ever catch the cunt that drives
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> >the snowplough I’ll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with
>
> >my teeth. I think the bastard hides around the corner and waits for
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> >me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down the street like
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> >Michael Schufuckingmacher and buries the fucking driveway again.
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> >
>
> >JAN 17th
>
> >Sixteen more fuckng inches of fucking snow and fucking ice and
>
> >fucking sleet and god knows what other white shite fell last night.
>
> >I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver
>
> >with an ice-pick. Can’ t move my fucking toes. Haven’t seen the sun
>
> >for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more fucking snow forecast.
>

>
> >JAN 18th
>
> >FUCK THIS, I’M MOVING BACK TO England