Some thoughts

 Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin.

 I used to have a handle on life – but it broke off.

 Three things happen when you get old. First your memory goes, then… Um… Um…

 Why did Kamikaze pilots bother wearing helmets?

 Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you that day.

 Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?

 Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly.

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

 Everyone has a photographic memory…some just don’t have any film.

 The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

 How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

 I was pensive a while ago… Then I thought about it, now I don’t think I am.

My mind not only wanders …. Sometimes it leaves completely.