Random Jokes

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda DA money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for da 25th anniversary!’

The priest responded, ’Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!  Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’

Giuseppe proudly replied, ” Ima gonna go pick her up.”

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress…

a man’s heart beats quicker…

his throat gets dry…

he gets weak in the knees…

and he begins to think very irrationally???

Ever wonder why?

It’s because she smells like a new Golf Bag!

>  Barbara  Walters, of 20/20, did  a story  on gender roles in Kabul ,
>  Afghanistan, several years  before
>  the  Afghan conflict.
>
>  She  noted that women customarily
>  walked  five paces behind their husbands.
>
>  She  recently returned to Kabul and
>  observed  that women still walk behind their  husbands.
>
>
>  Despite the overthrow  of the oppressive Taliban regime,
>  the  women now seem happy  to maintain the old custom.
>
>
>  Ms  Walters approached one of the
>  Afghani  women and asked, ‘Why do you now
>  seem  happy with an old custom that you
>  once tried so desperately to change?’
>
>   The  woman looked Ms.Walters
>   straight  in the eyes, and without hesitation
>   said,  ’Land Mines.’

She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
>  He asks the lady ‘Do you have a vagina?’…
> She slams the door in disgust..
> The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he  asks the same question of the woman ‘Do you have a vagina’.
>
>     She slams the door again.
> Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for  the last two days.
>       The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice ‘Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again’.
>       The next morning they h ear a knock at the door and both run for the door.  The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice ‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy
> I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it’. She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
>      Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question.
>       Do you have vagina’………… ‘Yes’ she says……
>       The man replies “Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s  alone and start using yours’?

Fall Classes for Women at  THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

By Wednesday OCTOBER 30, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2

Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

At 7:00 PM

Class 6

How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.