Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

First Guy:
‘You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.’

Second Guy:
‘That’s nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.’

Third Guy:
‘Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.’

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has Not said a word.

So they ask him, ‘You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?’

Fourth guy:
‘I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the ass and said: ‘Golf course or intercourse?’ She said: ‘Wear sun-block

“Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

“I can’t jump out the window ~ It’s raining out there!”

“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!”

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.

“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free!”

Another runner moved a long side. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”

Oh , yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, “Do you always wear a condom when you run? ”

“Nope………just when it’s raining.

Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. “Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers. Why not?” She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.” He reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”

Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. “Jeesie peeps, Maggie! Where the fuk are yer drawers?” She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd ony.” The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, “Well, fer Christs sake ‘n the sake of decency, here’s a comb. Tidy yersel up a bit.”

also there is the one where a female commentator asks Ally Mcoist – after he is taken off before half time -  so Ally how does it feel being pulled off at half time  -  to which he answered – its gotta be better than cream cakes and tea!!!

Black shorts

Not Black Shorts

#10… A below par performance is considered damn good.  

#9… You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.  

#8… It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.  

#7… Foursomes are encouraged.
  
#6… You can still make money doing it as a senior.  

#5… Three times a day is possible.

#4… Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
 
#3… If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.

#2… You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex…..

#1… If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!