The Englishman’s wife steps up to the first tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeepin money to afford any,” she replied. The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”
Filed under Men, Scottish, Sport, Wife Jokes, Women by 
I was listening to a magazine-style programme on the radio yesterday morning while having breakfast when this item came on about telephone surveys. The presenter was speaking to a man from Edinburgh, who carried out market research and opinion polls for a major national company, by cold-calling people to ask their opinions on a variety of topics. He explained that, as a means of ensuring the person giving the answers was paying attention, every now and again then the person conducting the survey will slip in a question such as “ Name a famous Brtiish politician or give the title of a film starring Al Pacino.”
Filed under Scottish by
SCOTTISH NEWS GROUP NEWSFLASH
KELTY EARTHQUAKE APPEAL
A major earthquake measuring 8.8 on the Richter scale hit Kelty in Fife in the early hours of Sunday morning. Victims were seen wandering around muttering,” what the fuck”, “a dinnae ken” and “yahoorsur’. The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 – £40 worth of damage.
Filed under Scottish by
After having their 11th child (Pocahontas Brittany Larsson O’Neill), a Glesga couple decided that was enough because they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his GP and told him that he and his missus didn’t want to have any more children (“Wur no wantin ony mair weans, so wur no”).
Only a Scot could think of this …. from Glasgow, where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a pub in Glasgow. After last orders the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the carpark for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
Filed under Drinking Jokes, Driving, Scottish by