One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to
hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
‘I don’t know what to do here,’ says the devil.
‘You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of
folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take
their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.’
OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty
handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate
in hell.
‘No,’ OJ said. ‘I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all
day long.’
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and
a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
‘No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if
all I could do was break rocks all day,’ commented OJ.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms
tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was
Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, ‘Yeah man, I can handle this.’
The devil smiled and said…
‘OK, Monica, you’re free to go.’
1. Men are like ..Laxatives ….. They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas .. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ….Blenders You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ….Chocolate Bars…. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ….Commercials……. You can’t believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like ……Government Bonds …. They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like …..Mascara .. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn …… They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms ….. You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like .Lava Lamps … Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking SpotsAll the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
1. Men are like Laxatives
They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like. Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather
Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders
You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials
You can’t believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores
Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds
…. They take soooooooo long to mature.
9.Men are like Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11.Men are like Snowstorms
You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
12.Men are like Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots
All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
The Black Bra
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.
We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes.
When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said, ‘What’s for dinner, Batman?’
SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST
An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who
Shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
With patients.
As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the
Receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
Wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
‘YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?’
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around
To look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
‘NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON ‘T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.’
DON ‘T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.
