Random Jokes

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers/Fruit Polo’s as we know them.

The children began to identify the flavours by their colour:

Red………………….Cherry
Yellow………………Lemon
Green………………Lime
Orange…………..Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.
After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘I will give you all a clue.
It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’

One little girl looked up in horror, spat out her lifesaver and yelled,
‘Oh my God!! They’re arse-holes..’

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year schoolchildren, using a bowl of fruit Polos.
He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.

The children began to say:
‘Red…………cherry,’
‘Yellow………lemon,’
‘Green……….lime,’
‘Orange……..orange.’

Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
‘Well,’ he said ‘I’ll give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’
One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and yelled:

‘Oh My God!!!! They’re arse-holes!!’

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing’s, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t, really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on my desk.                     

I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Police looking for clues in the children’s home in Jersey have made what they are calling a “Significant find”

They have found Michael Jacksons other glove.

A precious little girl walk into a pet shop and asks,”Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?”

The shopkeepers heart melts, he gets down on his knees so he is at her level, and says,”Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fluffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?”

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers… “I don’t weally fink my pyfon gives a phuk”