Doctor call out
His mother tells him to stop it as he’s liable to break something, but the boy continues.
‘Johnny!’ Mom screams. ‘Knock it off,’ you’re going to break something.
His mother tells him to stop it as he’s liable to break something, but the boy continues.
‘Johnny!’ Mom screams. ‘Knock it off,’ you’re going to break something.
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground !”
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.”
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s Mom asked, “Really small, was it?”
Sally replied, “No… Salty.”
A class of five-year old students are learning to read.
One of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,
“Look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”
The teacher took a deep breath, then asked…”What did you call it?”
“It’s a frickin’ elephant! It says so on the picture!”
And so it does…

” A f r i c a n Elephant “
**’Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?’**
**’No, Daddy..**
**She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.’**
**After a brief pause,**
**Daddy says,**
**’But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.’**
**’Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now..’**
Brief Pause.
**’Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.’**
**’Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’**
**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**
**’I did it, Daddy.’**
**’And what happened, honey?’ **
‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn’t moving at all!’**
**’Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?’**
**’He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**
**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’**
*****Long Pause*****
*****Longer Pause*****
*****Even Longer Pause*****
**Then Daddy says,**
**’Swimming pool? …………**
**Is this 486-5731?’*
**No, I think you have the wrong number…….*
Best read in yer broadest Scottish accent
How to get to Heaven in Scotland
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, ‘If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’
‘NO!’ the children answered.
‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, the answer was ‘No!’ By now I was starting to smile.
‘ Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, they all answered ‘No!’. I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, ‘ Then how can I get into heaven?’
A six year-old boy shouted out ‘YUV GOTTAE BE FUCKN’ DEID……….