Humorous jokes

February 17, 2010

From the catalogue

Two IRISH MEN were looking at a
> Mail order catalogue and admiring the models.
>
>
>
> One says to the other,
> ‘Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?’
>
> The second one replies,
> ‘Yes, they are very beautiful.
> And look at the price!’
> The first one says, with wide eyes,
> ‘Wow, they aren’t very expensive.
> At this price, I’m buying one.’
> The second one smiles and pats him on the back.
> ‘Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful
> As she is in the catalogue, I will get one too.’
> Three weeks later,
> The youngest redneck IRISHMAN asks his friend,
> ‘Did you ever receive the girl you ordered
> From the catalogue?’
> The second IRISHMAN replies……
>

This poetry is hilarious…..ENJOY!

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION

ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME

WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,

AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

More on This poetry is hilarious…..ENJOY!

Filed under "real" life jokes, Humorous jokes, Short Funny Jokes by Admin

February 7, 2010

An Embarrassing problem

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ‘working girls’ and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of ‘Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE …. UGH!’ Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE… UGH!’ Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE … UGH!’ … ALL NIGHT LONG.

Quotes about Alcohol

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
~ Jack Handy

MIX UP AT XMAS

A young man called Reg from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn’t been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland . Reg consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note… not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the
two items, the sister got the gloves and Reg unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Reg sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I’ve noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her.
She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn’t needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Reg
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.