Funny Dirty Jokes

February 9, 2010

Do you have a vagina?

She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
> He asks the lady ‘Do you have a vagina?’…
> She slams the door in disgust..
> The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman ‘Do you have a vagina’.
>
>    She slams the door again.
> Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.
>       The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice ‘Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again’.
>       The next morning they h ear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice ‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy
> I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it’. She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
>     Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question.
>       Do you have vagina’………… ‘Yes’ she says……
>       The man replies “Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours’?

An Embarrassing problem

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ‘working girls’ and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of ‘Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE …. UGH!’ Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE… UGH!’ Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE … UGH!’ … ALL NIGHT LONG.

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

More on Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained

Filed under Adult funny jokes, Funny Dirty Jokes, Religion by Admin

January 4, 2010

MIX UP AT XMAS

A young man called Reg from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn’t been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland . Reg consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note… not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the
two items, the sister got the gloves and Reg unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Reg sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I’ve noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her.
She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn’t needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Reg
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

$7.00 Sex xxx

And I thought Aberdonians were tight!!

> An Arizona couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s
> office.
> The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’
> The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’
> The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an
> elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
>
> When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing
> wrong with the way you have intercourse..’
>
>
>
> He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50
> and he says good bye.
>
>
> T he next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to
> watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
>
> This happens several weeks in a row.
>
> The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays
> the doctor, then leave.
>
> Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry,
> but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’
>
>
> The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything.
>
> She’s married; so we can’t go to her house.
>
> I’m married; and we can’t go to my house.
>
> The Holiday Inn charges $98.
>
> The Hilton charges $139.
>
> We do it here for $50, and
> Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.