Only in  America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in  America …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in  America ……do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in  America ……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in  America ……….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

Only in  America …..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER …

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can’t women    put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)…in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
Spread the Stupidity!

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags .

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

Dr. Oz proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Tequila, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.  You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

Pass this on if you know anyone you think might be in need of inner peace.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.

You have two options:

You can save the life of Abu or you can shoot a dramatic Prize winning photo,documenting the death of one of the country’s most despised, evil and powerful men!

THE QUESTION:

Here’s the question, and please give an honest answer….

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

All was fine for 16 years, and  then one daughter walked into the room in
tears. ‘What’s  wrong?’ asked the mother. ‘I was taking a tinkle and this  bullet
came out,’ replied the daughter.

The mother  told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years  ago
About a week later the second daughter walked into  the room in tears. ‘Mom,
I was taking a tinkle and this  bullet came out.’ Again the mother told her not to worry and  explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later  her son walked into the room in tears. ‘It’s okay’ said the  Mom, ‘I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a  bullet came out.’

‘No,’ said the boy, ‘I was playing  with myself and I shot the dog.’

In the beginning God created day and night.

He created day for footy matches,

going to the beach …

And BBQ’s.

He created night for going prawning,
sleeping and BBQ’s,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Second Day, God created water …
for surfing,
swimming,

and BBQ’s on the beach,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Third Day God created the Earth

to bring forth plants
to provide malt and yeast for beer

and wood for BBQs,

and God saw that it was good..

On the Fourth Day God created animals

and crustaceans

chops, sausages, steak

and prawns for BBQ’s,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke

to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer

and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ’s,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely

and needed someone to go to the footy,

surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.

So God created Mates,

and God saw that they were good Blokes,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day

God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires,

heard the hiss of opening beer cans

and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes.

He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns

and God Saw that it was good …

Well …

Almost good …

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.

So God created Sheilas

to clean the house,

to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie,

and then God saw that it was not just good …

It was better than that …

It was Bloody Awesome!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA !

>
> ‘No, but it shouldn’t be long now.
> She sent all her clothes yesterday?