Random Jokes

Away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea.

One called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.”

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted”
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn’t realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.  With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail – it’s much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn’t see his old pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.
“He’s at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark”, was the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s abode.

As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.”

Christian replied, “No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re now a shark, the enemy, and I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner.”

Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed.”………
 
“I’ve found Cod. I’m a Prawn again Christian”.

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, “Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have “urges”. That’s why we have Molly The Camel. 

The Captain says, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about “urges”, so the camel can stay .”

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own “urges”. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane s*x with the camel.

When he’s done, he asks the Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it?”

No not really, sir… “They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.”

I shot my dog last night.

Was he wild?

Well, he wasn’t very pleased.

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: “Dave, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go”…………….

Yet, invariably, the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering….

“Dave…you’re a vet!”

This old man is 81 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.”

He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.”

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, “Are you talking to me?”

The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of.”

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had.”

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”